Improving your ability to manage stress and anger has a number of benefits. You'll feel like you have more control when life's challenges turn up the heat, and more relaxed in challenging situations. Knowing how to express your feelings assertively means you won't feel frustrated because you feel like you need to "hold in" your anger to avoid offending someone.
Stress and Anger Management skills and techniques will help you:
Argue less. Enjoy better overall communication that results when you talk about your anger rather than letting it build. This will help you avoid saying impulsive and hurtful things that damage relationships with family members, friends, co-workers and your partner.
Maintain better health. The stress caused by ongoing angry feelings can increase your risk for health problems, including headaches, sleep problems, digestive problems, heart problems and high blood pressure.
Prevent psychological problems. Which can be linked to anger, that can include depression, low self-esteem, problems at work and troubled relationships.
Use your frustration to get things done. Anger expressed inappropriately can make it difficult for you to think clearly, and may result in poor judgment. Learn to use feelings of frustration and anger as motivators to work harder and take positive action.
Help avoid addictive escapes. It is common for people who feel chronically angry to turn to alcohol, drugs or food. Rather than using alcohol, drugs or food to dull anger, you can use anger management techniques to keep your cool and your control.
To get more information about how The WIN Institute can help you with your Stress and Anger Management, please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, COAMF, CDVF
The WIN Institute
763-913-0130
Web Site: www.thewininstitute.org
Blog Site: www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Stress, Anger and Your Partner
"Steven," the voice on the phone pleaded, "I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my wife last night and she said it’s over until I get help".
As Frank recounted the first night of class, he and his wife had argued in the car over which route to take home from a party. Events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling and name calling.
Things escalated at home. He tried to escape, but she followed him from room to room, demanding resolution of the conflict. He became angry, defensive and intimidating.
Frightened, she left. Later, she left an anguished message saying that she loved him, but couldn't deal with his angry, hurtful outbursts.
Frank said that he normally is a very “nice” and friendly person. But, on this occasion, his girlfriend had been drinking before the party. In his view, she was irrational, and non-stop in criticism. He tried to reason with her, but it just made things worse. Finally, as Frank saw things, in desperation he “lost it” and became enraged.
How should Frank have handled this situation? What could he have done differently? What actions should you take in similar situations?
New research by John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington indicates that when you and your partner argue, your pulse rate goes above 100 beats per minute, and you enter a physiological state called DPA (Diffuse Physiological Arousal). Once there, it becomes nearly impossible to solve the problem. You lose perspective. Your reasoning ability, memory, and judgment, greatly decline.
Taking a time-out allows both of you to return to your normal state of mind.
It is neither healthy nor necessary for you to explode as a result of being provoked by your partner. Our recommendation: Turn the heat down rather than intensifying the pressure by not interacting in one or more of the following ways:
Inattention - simply ignoring your partner when you shouldn’t. This is also called stonewalling, or being emotionally unavailable when your partner needs you, or not speaking to your partner for long periods because you are upset with them.
Intimidation - engaging in behavior intended to make your partner do things out of fear. This includes yelling, screaming, throwing things, and posturing in a threatening way (physical violence).
Manipulation - doing or saying things to influence your partner, for your benefit, instead of theirs or for the benefit of the relationship.
Hostility - using sarcasm, put-downs, and antagonistic remarks. Extreme or prolonged hostility leads to contempt – a major predictor of divorce.
Vengeance - the need to “get even” with your partner for a grievance you have against them. Many dysfunctional couples “keep score,” and are constantly trying to “pay back” each other for offenses.
Criticism – involves attacking someone’s personality or character, rather than a specific behavior, often coupled with blame. Like contempt, criticism is a second major predictor of divorce.
To get more information about how The WIN Institute can help you with your Stress, Anger and/or Aggressive Behavior and improve your communication skills, please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, CDVF
The WIN Institute
763-913-0130
Web Site: www.thewininstitute.org
Blog Site: www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
As Frank recounted the first night of class, he and his wife had argued in the car over which route to take home from a party. Events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling and name calling.
Things escalated at home. He tried to escape, but she followed him from room to room, demanding resolution of the conflict. He became angry, defensive and intimidating.
Frightened, she left. Later, she left an anguished message saying that she loved him, but couldn't deal with his angry, hurtful outbursts.
Frank said that he normally is a very “nice” and friendly person. But, on this occasion, his girlfriend had been drinking before the party. In his view, she was irrational, and non-stop in criticism. He tried to reason with her, but it just made things worse. Finally, as Frank saw things, in desperation he “lost it” and became enraged.
How should Frank have handled this situation? What could he have done differently? What actions should you take in similar situations?
New research by John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington indicates that when you and your partner argue, your pulse rate goes above 100 beats per minute, and you enter a physiological state called DPA (Diffuse Physiological Arousal). Once there, it becomes nearly impossible to solve the problem. You lose perspective. Your reasoning ability, memory, and judgment, greatly decline.
Taking a time-out allows both of you to return to your normal state of mind.
It is neither healthy nor necessary for you to explode as a result of being provoked by your partner. Our recommendation: Turn the heat down rather than intensifying the pressure by not interacting in one or more of the following ways:
Inattention - simply ignoring your partner when you shouldn’t. This is also called stonewalling, or being emotionally unavailable when your partner needs you, or not speaking to your partner for long periods because you are upset with them.
Intimidation - engaging in behavior intended to make your partner do things out of fear. This includes yelling, screaming, throwing things, and posturing in a threatening way (physical violence).
Manipulation - doing or saying things to influence your partner, for your benefit, instead of theirs or for the benefit of the relationship.
Hostility - using sarcasm, put-downs, and antagonistic remarks. Extreme or prolonged hostility leads to contempt – a major predictor of divorce.
Vengeance - the need to “get even” with your partner for a grievance you have against them. Many dysfunctional couples “keep score,” and are constantly trying to “pay back” each other for offenses.
Criticism – involves attacking someone’s personality or character, rather than a specific behavior, often coupled with blame. Like contempt, criticism is a second major predictor of divorce.
To get more information about how The WIN Institute can help you with your Stress, Anger and/or Aggressive Behavior and improve your communication skills, please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, CDVF
The WIN Institute
763-913-0130
Web Site: www.thewininstitute.org
Blog Site: www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Anger Management Prevents Hostile Work Environment Claims
Enlightened Human Resource Managers recognize the value of taking action quickly when any Violence in the Workplace Policy is violated. Doing nothing is an invitation to “hostile workplace” liability lawsuits.
Violence in the workplace is increasing even though it is far less common than verbal behavior that is interpreted by the victim as demeaning, threatening, arrogant, intimidating or disruptive.
Anger Management, rather than counseling, is the intervention of choice for interpersonal conflicts at work.
When mandating anger management to an employee, it is best for the Human Resource Manager to personally contact Steven W. Clark, a Certified Anger Management Provider prior to making the referral.
Legitimate Anger Management Facilitators offer their services in person rather than on-line. We use Pre and Post Assessments for each client. We use client workbooks and provide anger management either individually or in small groups.
Finally, we are accustomed to working with Human Resource referrals and dealing with resistant clients. We are acutely aware of the need to provide appropriate feedback to Human Resource Managers.
To get more information about how The WIN Institute can assist you with your employees that may be exhibiting Anger, Stress and/or Aggressive Behavior (physical or verbal), please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, COAMF, CDVF
The WIN Institute
763-913-0130
Web Site: www.thewininstitute.org
Blog Site: www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
Violence in the workplace is increasing even though it is far less common than verbal behavior that is interpreted by the victim as demeaning, threatening, arrogant, intimidating or disruptive.
Anger Management, rather than counseling, is the intervention of choice for interpersonal conflicts at work.
When mandating anger management to an employee, it is best for the Human Resource Manager to personally contact Steven W. Clark, a Certified Anger Management Provider prior to making the referral.
Legitimate Anger Management Facilitators offer their services in person rather than on-line. We use Pre and Post Assessments for each client. We use client workbooks and provide anger management either individually or in small groups.
Finally, we are accustomed to working with Human Resource referrals and dealing with resistant clients. We are acutely aware of the need to provide appropriate feedback to Human Resource Managers.
To get more information about how The WIN Institute can assist you with your employees that may be exhibiting Anger, Stress and/or Aggressive Behavior (physical or verbal), please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, COAMF, CDVF
The WIN Institute
763-913-0130
Web Site: www.thewininstitute.org
Blog Site: www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
Friday, September 3, 2010
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a way of thinking and behaving that allows a person to stand up for his or her rights while respecting the rights of others.
Non-assertive people may be passive or aggressive.
Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and are more likely to allow others to infringe on their rights than to stand up and speak out.
On the other hand, aggressive persons are very likely to defend their own rights and work to achieve their own goals but are also likely to disregard the rights of others.
Additionally, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people’s. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.
Assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the heart of effective advocacy. A person with an assertive attitude recognizes that each individual has rights. These rights include not only legal rights but also rights to individuality, to have and express personal preferences, feelings and opinions. The assertive individual not only believes in his or her rights but is committed to preserving those rights. An assertive attitude is important in recognizing that rights are being violated.
The passive person is so concerned with being liked and accepted that he or she may never recognize the need to advocate. The assertive person clearly expresses his or her rights or needs. They tend to face problems promptly and they focus on solutions rather than problems.
The following will enhance your assertiveness skills. Assertive listening is one of the most important advocacy skills we will discuss. The goals of assertive listening are:
(1) Letting the other person know that you want to understand his or her point of view;
(2) Understanding accurately what another person is saying;
(3) Letting the other person know that he or she has been understood. Remember that understanding is different from agreement. You can understand what another is saying but still disagree with him or her.
[from Brain Injury Institute]
For more information about The WIN Institute's Anger Management or Domestic Violence Intervention programs, please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, CDVF, COAMF
Member, American Association of Anger Management Providers (AAAMP)
763-913-0130
www.thewininstitute.org
www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
Non-assertive people may be passive or aggressive.
Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and are more likely to allow others to infringe on their rights than to stand up and speak out.
On the other hand, aggressive persons are very likely to defend their own rights and work to achieve their own goals but are also likely to disregard the rights of others.
Additionally, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people’s. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.
Assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the heart of effective advocacy. A person with an assertive attitude recognizes that each individual has rights. These rights include not only legal rights but also rights to individuality, to have and express personal preferences, feelings and opinions. The assertive individual not only believes in his or her rights but is committed to preserving those rights. An assertive attitude is important in recognizing that rights are being violated.
The passive person is so concerned with being liked and accepted that he or she may never recognize the need to advocate. The assertive person clearly expresses his or her rights or needs. They tend to face problems promptly and they focus on solutions rather than problems.
The following will enhance your assertiveness skills. Assertive listening is one of the most important advocacy skills we will discuss. The goals of assertive listening are:
(1) Letting the other person know that you want to understand his or her point of view;
(2) Understanding accurately what another person is saying;
(3) Letting the other person know that he or she has been understood. Remember that understanding is different from agreement. You can understand what another is saying but still disagree with him or her.
[from Brain Injury Institute]
For more information about The WIN Institute's Anger Management or Domestic Violence Intervention programs, please contact:
Steven W. Clark, JD, CAMF, CDVF, COAMF
Member, American Association of Anger Management Providers (AAAMP)
763-913-0130
www.thewininstitute.org
www.thewininstitute.blogspot.com
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